This Week In Autism - Gastro Anxiety

Since the last time that my wife and I got gastro, which was approximately one year ago when both Henry and Franklin were quite a bit easier to manage, it has been our biggest fear — just waiting for it to come around again, knowing that eventually it would.

And the other day, it did.

I woke up to the sound of what I thought was Henry vomiting, but it was actually my wife in the kitchen on the floor, vomiting into a silver dish while Henry just stood there waiting for his breakfast.

That started the timer.

I could start to feel it in my belly at the same time.

I asked ChatGPT what I could do to give myself the absolute best chance of beating it, and it said a few things (no dairy, light bland foods, probiotic tablets), so I did those few things.

All that day, I just took Henry out of the house.

One: to keep him away from my wife.

Two: because he can’t understand things like “Mummy needs space” or why she would be playing less one day than another.

It sucked having to leave my wife with our nearly 2-year-old for the whole day, but Franklin is much easier to manage with gastro than Henry would have been.

Then came the night.

We managed to get our 2-year-old to sleep, but Henry struggled with everything being off that day.

He wanted Mummy to put him to bed, and it caused a bunch of chaos.

At one point, my wife was vomiting into a bucket while Henry screamed and grabbed at her.

My attempts to pull him off made him even more upset, as he saw it as me restricting him from Mummy, causing him to double down.

Eventually we got through that, and with him not accepting anything less than Mummy snuggles, my wife had to try to sleep with him cuddling her.

She got a mere few hours — as did Henry.

He was just too dysregulated by it all.

And despite not vomiting or having diarrhoea, we think he also felt a bit off in the belly — just way, way milder than Mum.

By now, we were 24 hours in and just waiting for the moment when either myself or Henry would start erupting with vomit like my wife had a day earlier.

The anxiety was insane — just waiting for this horrible situation to occur, knowing that when it did, both parents would be basically incapacitated, and Henry would have no idea why he was experiencing what he was.

It was honestly a torturous level of anxiety.

All I could do was systematically try as hard as I could not to get it — to at least have one parent still capable.

Or at least hold off long enough until my wife felt better — almost like, “Tag, you’re it.”

Honestly, at this point I was praying every half hour:

“Dear God, thank you for watching over my family and protecting me this far. I pray you continue to give me the strength to navigate this and take care of my family.”

In that torturous anxiety, it dawned on me:

We didn’t really have a system set up for something like this.

We have family who would help if necessary, no doubt.

But it doesn’t feel right to ask someone to step into a gastro household, knowing that would then be their fate.

(Although my mother did — one year ago, when I had it, I asked for her help and she didn’t hesitate.)

Still, it definitely prompted me to think about starting to organize a network of people who could step in if needed for future situations.

Not waiting until the moment — but actually reaching out to a couple of family and friends and discussing if I can rely on them to step up, and what situations they would or wouldn’t consider helping with.

A way I have started to look at the extra load associated with ASD Level 3 is this:

It’s like having a whole extra child.

There’s Henry, if he were a neurotypical child — needing baths, nappy changes, food, play, and general care.

And then there’s the ASD3 child on top of that.

So when situations like this happen, it’s not just Mum and Dad caring for Henry and his little brother Franklin — it’s also like caring for a whole other additional child too.

And when one parent is out of action, and the “additional child” cannot understand why he can’t go to the park today — and will claw at his face until it bleeds if he doesn’t — you start to see the immense pressure that situations like this bring.

By the grace of God, I did not get sick.

And my wife, somehow by feats of determination I cannot fathom, managed to look after our youngest throughout her gastro, while I shifted to full-time Henry care for three days while she recovered.

And we made it through.

But god damn, the anxiety was high.

And even many days later, I honestly still feel queasy — like my nervous system is still coming back down to the reality that everything is, in fact, OK.

For now.

I will also say:

This situation made it crystal clear how hard it must be for ASD3 parents who aren’t business owners like myself.

Luckily, as the boss, I can skip a shift or two.

But if I were in a typical job being relied on, I would have simply had to take a couple of days off — and that would cause significant stress with my employment situation.

Even as a business owner, moments like these affect my business immensely.

This was just one small chapter in our life with ASD3.

And it was a reminder: parenting in this world isn’t just about reacting — it’s about preparing for things you pray never happen.

And sometimes, it’s about praying every half hour, too.